You need — no, you have the right — to unlimited narcissism.
I mean, “a billion roving photojournalists…” capturing “the entire gallery of humanity….”? I don’t know if my eyes can even roll that far up.
They might as well just be direct about it and say: this phone service contract will make you fucking important. It’s not like they’re being subtle, so they could at least cut away the grandiose nonsense and get to the damn point.