Wait until the offending feline is turned away from you and your other two felines, then “accidentally” shine the laser pointer toy upon his backside.
Whoops. Guess you’ve got two vicious laser-dot predators on top of your ass now. That must be stressful for you. I can really empathize thanks to that one time 90 seconds ago when it was stressful for me to find that you’d gnawed off 30% of that block of tofu I left out on the counter. Fancy that.
Fancy that indeed, you little shit.
In possibly related and certainly pathetic news: this tofu stroganoff has undertones of Purina One and Frontline Plus, and I am eating it all alone. Fancy that.