1. It would be called Andrew’s House of Good Times & Great Oldies.
2. Music would be exclusively Anita Baker, Steely Dan post-Pretzel Logic, the Grace Jones version of La Vie en Rose, and that Hall & Oates’ song Sarah Smile. Smooth as silk. Awww, yeah.
3. Wood floors.
4. Rose walls.
5. Wrought-iron fixtures.
6. Low lighting. Candles.
7. Big-ass round column with a fireplace in the middle of the room.
8. Water feature. Indoor stream, maybe? Yeah, let’s go with that.
9. All bourbon-based beverages. All the time.
10. Free focaccia bread for everyone! Drinking on an empty stomach is the worst.
11. Vegan mushroom soup.
11. No cutsie names for anything on the menu.
13. Heated, glassed-in porch out back. Lots of plants.
14. 1/2 off your first drink before 10 pm if you’ve washed your hair today.
What about you guys?