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Ask me how thoroughly I am going to fail this first section of the CPA exam on Tuesday.

 How thoroughly are you going to fail this first section of the CPA exam on Tuesday, Andrew?

That’s a great question, and the answer, interestingly, is that you can all go fuck yourselves.

Other parties I would like to strongly encourage to pursue auto-penetration:

The American Institute of Certified Public Accountants, dollar value LIFO, The Governmental Accounting Standards Board, Your Mom, foreign currency translations,  the Prometric testing agency, treasury stock transactions, multiple choice questions in which one is expected to make laughably unreasonable assumptions, and that asshole at work who already passed the whole exam on the first try.

Yeah, so I’m probably not gonna pass this thing.  At this point I’m really just hoping to come close enough to passing that I’ll get motivated to do a shit-ton of studying before attempt #2.  And, I mean, that shouldn’t bother me all that much; most people fail the first time, and I really haven’t studied enough.  But thinking about seeing that failing score printed on official state letterhead still makes me feel like shit.  I don’t fail at academic stuff…ever, really.  So that’s gonna suck.

You know how the contrast between an ordinary school test and a final exam is typically depth vs. breadth?  That distinction doesn’t exist here.  You have to know all of the minutiae about a slew of different topics.  It’s not the sort of exam that’s intended for people who are really diligent about not making any social plans for two months so they can go home and perch tensely on the sofa, crippled by guilt and shame about all of the studying they are failing, have failed, and will fail to do.

But so we’ll see how it goes.  I need to just calm down and do as much basic review as I can in the next 36 hours to see if I can better my chances at all.  Or…better yet, get my ass on that sofa and start wringing my hands with the conviction of the truly screwed.

On a brighter note, next week I’m gonna have North Carolina pictures for y’all.


6 responses »

  1. So, I think you’re going to kick enormous ass. I know that stating this doesn’t do you even the tiniest lick of good, but I can’t help myself. My NCLEX was 1000x easier than the CPA (further evidenced by that INCREDIBLY disturbing list of terms you’ve included here), but I was certain that I’d fail anyway.

    Thing about this sort of thing is that eventually, you WILL pass. Even if you crash and burn the first time. Which you won’t. But. Someday you’ll be standing on the other side of this miserable fucking thing and thinking “I will NEVER have to do that again.” It’s gonna be great.

    I am thinking about you, and I will have all digits crossed on Tuesday. Gonna trip like a motherfucker.

  2. i’m going to second the e on this one…. when i took the lpc exam, i straight up thought i was going to fail. but i didn’t!
    and i’m sure mine was easier than yours, but you? are a smarty-pants. you’ll rock it. will be sending you all my good luck on tuesday.
    and then go to nc and forget about it! because it will be done!

  3. Andrew! I saw a mention of you on Emily’s blog and was reminded that I have not talked to you in approximately 50 years. HOW ARE YOU?

    • Lisa! I’m doing pretty well, CPA-exam mess aside. How are you? Still in law school? How is it? Are you gonna stay in the Northeast? I’m back in Georgia around xmas time. If you are too, we should get lunch or something.

      • Good! Yes, still in law school, finally finishing next May. I’m actually going to be in DC afterward. I’m not sure if I’ll be back in GA around xmas.. probably, though. Definitely see you if I am!!


    I tried to leave a comment on your other post but the school filter won’t load it because of the language. Won’t pull up anything about BNL if it uses their full name either.

    Oh, and this one:


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