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Monthly Archives: October 2011

Ask me how thoroughly I am going to fail this first section of the CPA exam on Tuesday.

 How thoroughly are you going to fail this first section of the CPA exam on Tuesday, Andrew?

That’s a great question, and the answer, interestingly, is that you can all go fuck yourselves.

Other parties I would like to strongly encourage to pursue auto-penetration:

The American Institute of Certified Public Accountants, dollar value LIFO, The Governmental Accounting Standards Board, Your Mom, foreign currency translations,  the Prometric testing agency, treasury stock transactions, multiple choice questions in which one is expected to make laughably unreasonable assumptions, and that asshole at work who already passed the whole exam on the first try.

Yeah, so I’m probably not gonna pass this thing.  At this point I’m really just hoping to come close enough to passing that I’ll get motivated to do a shit-ton of studying before attempt #2.  And, I mean, that shouldn’t bother me all that much; most people fail the first time, and I really haven’t studied enough.  But thinking about seeing that failing score printed on official state letterhead still makes me feel like shit.  I don’t fail at academic stuff…ever, really.  So that’s gonna suck.

You know how the contrast between an ordinary school test and a final exam is typically depth vs. breadth?  That distinction doesn’t exist here.  You have to know all of the minutiae about a slew of different topics.  It’s not the sort of exam that’s intended for people who are really diligent about not making any social plans for two months so they can go home and perch tensely on the sofa, crippled by guilt and shame about all of the studying they are failing, have failed, and will fail to do.

But so we’ll see how it goes.  I need to just calm down and do as much basic review as I can in the next 36 hours to see if I can better my chances at all.  Or…better yet, get my ass on that sofa and start wringing my hands with the conviction of the truly screwed.

On a brighter note, next week I’m gonna have North Carolina pictures for y’all.


Even freaking Sherlock is like, /No shit, fool./

I was just checking the Weather Channel website, and noticed one of those “Special Weather Statement” links that the National Weather Service posts when there’s going to be severe weather.  Do you know what it says?

It says that there’s a “system” coming through that’s going to make it cold and rainy in Northwest Oregon next week.  As if that weren’t sobering enough, the SWS warns that the first system will be followed by two more systems, which will each be progressively colder and rainier.  And just in case that news doesn’t have you boarding up the windows and firing up the kerosene lamp, it delivers the most harrowing prediction yet: the effect of these systems might cause there to be — brace yourselves for this — snow in the mountains.

I mean, change the “Northwest Oregon” part to “Southern Arizona”, and it really just straight-up sounds like the apocalypse.

You know what this reminds of?  That one time in 2008 when the Weather Channel website told me it was going to be 40 degrees and raining constantly for the next two weeks.  And that was almost exactly what happened — except sub 22 for 40 and DOOM for raining.  But apparently that weather wasn’t special enough to merit a statement.