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Ladies and Gentlemen, The Worst Analogy Ever Attempted in the History of Human Communication

By a board member of a retirement golf community,  in response to my positing that one of her employees was probably stealing inventory:

“You know, maybe we should meet about this face to face.  With email, you can lose…the flavor on the bedpost over night, you know?”

That is absolutely transcribed hand-over-my-heart verbatim. The most meaning I can glean from this is something along the lines of it being difficult to have a complicated, involved conversation via email because you forget what’s going on by the time the person sends you a response email.  This would almost work, except:

1.  In the context of our conversation, what she was actually trying to say was it’s easier to explain your reasoning and get across what your question is when you’ve got vocal inflection and hand gestures at your disposal.

2.  You probably just lost $18,000.  Comparing anything to the subject of a schoolyard sing-a-long jingle is going to make the word ‘inappropriate’ blush.

3.  Jingle’s not even saying that chewing gum loses it’s flavor on the bedpost overnight.  It’s asking whether or not it does.  Answer?  No.  No, it does not.  Your whole basis for comparison has just collapsed.

4. I should probably also mention that putting the same person in charge of purchasing inventory and ringing & recording sales is the equivalent of thrusting an underage hooker with a fist full of Percocet in Fate’s face and politely asking it to resist.

5.  Bobbie Gentry continues to soft rock my world.

This is my go-to song when I realize that I’m still at work two hours later than I said I’d be.


One response »

  1. Wow…just…wow. Also, send the hooker with the percocet to my house, dude.

    I misread Bobbie Gentry as “Bobble Gentry” and got really excited, because that would totally be the best name ever.


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