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Someone Please Ban Wikipedia Before I Have to Drop Out of College for the Second Goddamn Time.

I’ve been working on this stupid Marketing Project for about 35 minutes now.  It basically entails doing an analysis of the iPhone’s competitors, which unfortunately entails gaining a rudimentary understanding of smart phones and the technology behind them.  

My phone cost $20.  I couldn’t even tell you the brand without looking.   Every time I hear friends and colleagues discussing wireless platforms and camera phone specs, my first impulse it to run out and buy a carrier pigeon.  (Typing this just now caused me to seriously think about the issue.  I have to admit that, if someone were to design a pigeon with a built-in camera, I would probably be OK with people discussing those specs in front of me.  But that is a very special case.)  I am happy to use technology, but not if using it means I have to think about it.  And I sure as hell don’t want to talk about it.

Except now I have to think and talk about it in order to graduate college so that I can someday make it above the poverty line. 

Stupid Business School curriculum.   

Okay. I’m looking at my cell phone now. It is a Samsung, apparently.

Anyway, I have to research Apple’s competitors for this project, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do for the past…43 minutes, now. You wanna know what I’ve found out thus far?  That Hartford has a larger metro population than Oklahoma City.  I didn’t see that comming, at all.  In fact, Hartford actually has more than one million people.   This news is blowing my mind a little. 

Stupid, distracting Wikipedia and its awesome Census data.  I’m gonna fail this class, now. 

On the bright side, though:

I had my first accounting exam on Thursday.  We were allowed to bring a 4×6 notecard and a calculator.  

 So Thursday evening roles around, and everybody files into the lecture hall clutching their $200 graphic calculators and completely scribbled over notecards as if they were peculiarly rectangular rosaries.  Everyone immediately sits down and begins reciting cash flow statement procedures to themselves. I amble on in behind them, armed with a shitty cell phone calculator (on which the decimal point feature is frustratingly disabled), and nothing else. (“Oh, yeah.  We’re supposed to have a notecard. Whoops.”) 

I got the second highest score in the class.  It would have been the highest, had I actually used the shitty cell phone calculator instead of trying to do the math in my head.  Simple addition is my academic Achilles heel.  

But so my point is this: all the 4×6 notecards in existence cannot make you proficient at financial reporting, fools. (Nor can they make you as inept as basic arithmetic as I.  [Nor as proud to be using the word ‘nor’ properly.  Nor as unable to stop myself.  Shut up, Andrew.])  

The Wayward E and leaves Oregon for Georgia tomorrow.  This is blowing my mind even more than the Hartford thing, which is saying something.  She was here when I got here, and I always figured she’d be here when I left.  In my mind, Oregon is where she lives; I’m still just visiting her here.   This state was barely even on my mental radar until she moved here. 

So this week’s YouTube video is dedicated to you, Wayward.  If ever you should find yourself despondent, making that lonely, high-speed trek down Buford Highway at 3:30 in the morning without really understanding why, blast this on the stereo, and remember the good times.  And know that I’ll probably be doing the same on Lombard.  Except I’ll be walking and getting rained on.  Suck.


3 responses »

  1. If I find the right article, I get stuck in a never-ending cycle of Wikipedia curiosity. I can’t stop. Btw, I don’t get the iPhone. I like technology, and I do think the iPhone is cool, but I just want a phone that’s a phone. Technology is making us lazier than we already are, and that’s scary. I’m doing NaBloPoMo, so come by every now and then. I will keep it up.

  2. Commenting to ward off emptiness. I am impressed with your finance skills. I’ve never been very good with math, which is to say that, despite any inherent talent I may have in the subject, it holds my interest even less than most things do. I don’t know why–I think it has to do with the shapes numbers are.

    I’ve started biting my nails again, but only when I watch TV. Except I live with people who worship TV so it’s on all the time and I find myself watching it way more than I use to. I really need to move. So much so that I’m starting to hate the thought of renting less and less every day.

  3. I am here. It’s weird…more on that to follow. My mother is trying to take over my life by making aggressive suggestions about any and every subject that comes up. Tonight, for example, she vetoed my taking Neutrino with us to visit my dad. I don’t even think that she cares what I do with the cat–she’s just trying to be consistent.


    I miss you. Say “hi” to Lombard for me.

    Erin, where are you living now?


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