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Stroke of Genius #6 this week: Everybody should start referring to their testicles as “The Gentlemen”. As in, “As long as you’re down there, The Gentlemen would really appreciate a kiss.” or “The Gentlemen prefer blondes”. See? How awesome would that fucking be? Has somebody already thought of this? I don’t care. It’s still the best idea ever — so much more classy and subtle than naming your penis. Plus the added bonus of instant connotation of balls adorned with tiny top hats and minute monocles.

So I think it goes without saying that I’m avoiding schoolwork right now. I have, to give myself credit, narrowed potential topics for my speech down to 3:

1. Blogging

2. Asexuality

3. Country Rock

I’m leaning heavily in favor of the latter two. Blogging’s really only on the list because I figure there’ll be a bevy of academic sources I can cite, what with all the recent hullabaloo about how it’s “changing the way Americans access information, look how digital this generation is, OMG!” (And now every self-important douche-bag who has a LiveJournal and once wrote one or two lines about how much he hated Bush can reference all of these articles when he wants to feel like he’s doing something edgy and important).

Asexuality I find interesting chiefly because it’s so antithetical to … really everything about our culture. I mean, Christianity is based on resisting temptation, but if there’s no temptation to begin with you’ve sort of lost your foundation, you know?. And on a broader scale, sex and procreation are presumed to be the underlying cause for so many behaviors. Take that away, and what are the motivations, you know? How do you market to these people? How do you assimilate them? So asexuals have a special place in my heart for being subversive without even trying.

As for Country Rock…what can I say? I loves me some Eagles. Unfortunately, there’s a dearth of “academic” sources on this one, so I’m probably going to have to skip it. Ah, well. It would have been cool to play some Judee Sill and show pictures of Gram Parsons, but what can you do?

Music this week is crappy 80’s Carly Simon.  This is a terrible song, but it’s also kind of addictive.


7 responses »

  1. Balls with top hats. That seems somehow appropriate…they look like droopy old Englishmen. The sort who sit around with brandy and cigars and talk about how much better off the colonies were when they were under the gentle but firm guidance of the British military.

    I think that you should do your speech on Asexuality. That sounds fascinating. You could talk about how sexuality is intertwined with gender roles and gender presentation in our society, and how asexuality conflicts with proscribed notions of “sexual” dimorphism. The expression of gender is greatly influenced by our desires and the affectations that we believe will attract a mate.

    The fair was awesome. I want to see those pictures.

  2. i’m with team asexuality, too. you could talk about how everyone is kind of freaked out by morrissey! the transition from ‘that guy in the smiths who isn’t quite sure about ladies but loves them all the same’ to… you know. morrissey.
    i sound like a total dork but did you guys ever see that buffy the vampire slayer episode with the creeeepy villains that stole people’s voices so they couldn’t scream? they were called the gentlemen. so now i’m thinking of little wrinkly balls with hats that steal your voice…. there. that’s end of sex for me. thanks andrew!
    also, ten points for use of the word ‘bevy’

  3. In answer to your question regarding collards: The trick is from Julia (Bon Appetit!) or some other famous chef: Get a big pot. Put water in it; bring to a boil; throw a chunk of salt-pork in the boiling water (wash off the salt first) let the chunk more or less dissolve (30 minutes or more); then add the rinsed, torn into bite-size pieces collards & put on the lid; cook until tender (how long that will take depends on how old and mature they are — really young, fresh ones can be done in as little as 10-15 minutes ).
    And if the the mere thought of salt pork makes your gentlemen draw up into your groin, you will find that a tablespoon or two of vegetable oil and sea salt will work just as well.
    Same cooking principle as green beans, actually: must go into boiling water with fat, then a little salt. Some folks like them with hot peppers; others with bits of ham.
    They do well (need I say?) with corn fritters.

    I see, too, that someone we know got into grad school in P-town! Congratulations! Oddly, I had a dream a week or two ago about driving to Berry College that involved a lizard and escaping. Never mind.

  4. Not being able to text you is really a downer. I just found out we don’t get new phones until we get back from Japan. Which I guess I wouldn’t be able to text you in Japan anyway, but still. Bah.

  5. Eh, Yep. We should be picking blueberries about that time. The bushes will be loaded, so holler when you get in range, and we’ll fry green tomatoes or squash blossoms or something…. fritters?

  6. ::snuggles:: Happy Birthday!

  7. You know, I’ve had this feeling lately…sort of a congested, feverish anticipation…that something big was about to happen. And so it is! You’re turning 21 tomorrow!

    And, AND! I remembered this awesome fact BEFORE I saw Erin’s comment, because W reminded me (and because, you know, I lurrrrrve you and stuff).

    I think W remembers your birthday because of that time you tried to trick him about the date. He’s like an elephant in that way. You know, the “I’m right I’m right I’m right!!!” kinda way.

    Happy freakin’ birthday, dude.


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