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Winter Quarter: Week 1

When I am dead, if I can be remembered for just one thing, I want that thing to be my ability to ANSWER the QUESTION that was ASKED, Goddammit.

This never seems like a praiseworthy attribute to me until I am in class and listening to the other students attempt to reply to the professor’s extremely straightforward query with responses that test the limits of the word tangential.

And please don’t think I’m an asshole: I can excuse it when it’s the kids who very clearly came from shitty schools, and are attending college on loans and a prayer, but the kids who have fancy cell phones and IPods and were very clearly raised in the same Standardized Test-centric environment that I was need to shut their fucking faces if they don’t have anything relevant to say. Somewhere in suburban Atlanta, my Junior High English teachers are all spinning in their frumpy, self-righteous graves.

While we’re on the subject of my postmortem legacy: if I get to be remembered for two things when I am dead, I want the second to be my commitment to smelling nice in public.  I am not kidding.

Frisco pictures are forthcoming — not in the way the Vancouver pictures were “forthcoming”, no need to fret. This time around I’ve got a digital camera, and all I need is a USB cable to get these bad boys uploaded.

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6 responses »

  1. Well, you definitely win my vote for the “answering the question directly” thing. But dude…remember when all of your closed smelled like cat pee, all the time? Like, when we all secretly wondered whether your mom was really one of those animal collectors with the funny hats, and your home life was all just a tragic scramble for tuna amid the hoard?

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  2. Because I remember that. Props for smelling especially good now. But THEN. Then was bad and disturbing.

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  3. Hey, since when does wordpress get to tell me that I’m posting comments too fast? Bastards.

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  4. I like to smell nice in public, too, but I don’t think I often succeed. It’s not for lack of trying, of course, and by no means am I a smelly person, but I don’t think I have a pleasing scent. If I were to be made into a cologne, I think I’d be called ‘Blah’, or something. Cologne works, but I feel like it smells better on other people than on me.

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  5. Which of course leads us straight to the questionable notion that ‘cleanliness is next to godliness’.

    I ask you, if there were a Creator of the Universe and It were obsessed with cleanliness, then why would It create bacteria, most all of which emits the odours that when we encounter them make us say “Bleackh!” or “Yuccchk!”, or some other gurgling guttural?

    Of course, it would be argued by the Bacterial Anti-Defamation League that bacteria are, in fact, much akin to miniature janitors, going around everywhere with their stinky little mop buckets cleaning the messes we make and that far from abhorring the foul odours we encounter, we should relish them as we would a fine piece of Stilton.

    And then again, it is every so much more enjoyable to be surrounded by the faint smell of rosemary, thyme, lavender, lilacs or roses…. … *sniff*

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  6. i wish i could answer the question that was asked. i ramble. often there are anecdotes. it’s not a good time….

    although i do smell good most of the time. hugo deep red, y’all!

    Reply

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