Written from one of those overpriced internet-by-the-minute stations at PDX.
Dear Airport Security,
That large tube of toothpaste you confiscate from me every time I pass through your checkpoint? It’s a red herring. You snatch it and miss the comparatively small butane lighter every single time. I can always buy more toothpaste when I get where I’m going, you see, but I really need to have a smoke as soon as I get off the plane.
So thanks, I guess. And thanks for not reading this.
I hope you have a nice Thanksgiving.